From ‘antibody’ to ‘Wuhan,’ old terms take on new meaning.
Antibody badges = surely a German import
Antibody tests = It seems that nobody tests.
AOC = See, emissions went down during shelter in place.
Best and Brightest = being wrong on modeling, human infectiousness, test-kit availability, travel bans, masks, and anti-malarial drugs, without ever having to say your’re sorry
Joe Biden = Beware of Ezekiel Emanuel!
Big Pharma = Leave! Come Home!
Bioweapon = the next Chinese summit
Boomers = Hey man, so, so sorry about the debt.
Michael Bloomberg = oddly melted down and exited the national stage before the Chinese virus struck
Border security = yesterday’s Neanderthalism; today’s prescience
The CDC = Wearing masks is bad; masks for some are better than for others; all masks are good.
China = yesterday’s inevitable new hegemon; today’s global pariah, tomorrow’s 1.4-billion-person infectious nightmare
Chinese Communist Party = Without its news bulletins, apparently Democracy Dies in Darkness.
CNN = We shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, drive away any viewing audience in order to assure the destruction of Trump.
Conspiracy theory = Did China shut down all travel out of Wuhan while continuing Wuhan-to-U.S. direct flights?
COVID-19 = now tasked with doing what neither Robert Mueller nor Adam Schiff could
Cuomo on Cuomo = Learn how the nation’s most infected and lethal state proved to be its most successful in fighting the virus.
Denominator = When in doubt, make it up.
Durham = Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ye
Emanuels = “Never Let a Crisis Go to Waste,” “I hope to die at 75,” and all that sick jazz
EU = In matters of money, a borderless currency is one thing; but in times of death, a borderless humanitarian response is quite another.
Experts = better to be wrong with an M.D. and a Ph.D. than right without one
Farmers = Please, please, keep digging holes and dropping in seeds!
Anthony Fauci = remembered for being a genius today, forgotten when being wrong yesterday
FDA = Let’s not be hasty.
Fish-tank cleaner = an imaginative viral cure supposedly advocated by Donald Trump
Flattening the curve = pausing for the next outbreak without herd immunity
The flu = a federal felony to mention it in comparison with COVID-19
Globalists = now investing in a cheaper Chinese global vaccine
Globalization = We are all residents of Wuhan now.
Gray matter = capitalizing Chinese Communist companies with Western liquidity
Gun control = only for the little people
Hand cleanser = said to cure cancer, heart problems, and diabetes
Hedge fund = For now, it won’t feed or warm you.
Hydroxychloroquine = a formerly safe drug, but now to be avoided as toxic and proof of Trump’s quackery — unless you come down with a bad case of the virus
Iran = out-terrorized by a stealthier terrorist
Italy = If only Gucci and Versace had made masks and ventilators.
Keep on truckin’ = literally
Masks = Worn to save you or them or neither or both?
Angela Merkel = There will be no corona bonds.
Mexico = It’s now racist to cross the border.
Modelers = certified geniuses who nobly erred so grievously only to force the public to do what they did not know was supposed to be good for them.
Numerator = dying with the coronavirus or from it?
Obama = Barack who?
Outsourcers = Chinese masks and ventilators were in-the-know investments.
Nancy Pelosi = first to warn of the existential viral danger by urging visits to Chinatown after the travel ban
Racism and xenophobia = Chinese institutionalizing of both provides proof of embracing neither.
Bernie Sanders = gone to buy another home on the lake
Shelter in place = Amazon plot
Silk Road = the quickest way to Wuhan
Social distancing = a nice way to avoid what or whom you didn’t like
Socialism = Shut down, stay in, don’t work, get paid, keep angry — vote accordingly.
Taiwan = Are democratic, brave Chinese really such a bad thing?
Touching your face = now far worse than scratching your groin
2.2 million dead Americans = so why not 20.2 million?
Your seventies = the new nineties
Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus = explains why WHO always used to have a doctor as its director
Toilet paper = Either hoard it, or I will.
Travel ban = bad idea that the racist and xenophobic Trump should have done earlier
United Nations = for once, passed an admirable resolution praising itself for doing nothing
Vaccination for COVID-19 = For anti-vaxxers, some vaccinations will be more equal than others.
Ventilators = part of a conspiracy to provide governors far more of them than they need
Virology = the science of dealing with deadly viruses that are smarter than you are
Vote by mail = and often
Wet markets = where old bats, snakes, and pangolins go to die so that new vira can be born
White House press corps = How come just one more smear doesn’t give the president the hoped-for fatal heart attack?
WHO = the art of ridiculing America — a democracy that gives ten times the amount of WHO contributions as antidemocratic China — for enacting a life-saving travel ban, while parroting the Chinese propaganda that is killing thousands
“The world is flat” = A coronavirus from Wuhan can reach Malibu more rapidly than most parts of China.
The Wuhan Institute of Virology = Hmmmm . . .
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