Hello, are you in legal trouble in Seattle and need representation from a public defender? Then look no further than Mr. Stephanie Mueller, with over twenty years’ experience and twelve of them as a woman! And he’ll represent you in court dressed in a skintight outfit showing off his surgically enhanced cleavage!

No, I am not making this up:

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A transgender defense lawyer has sparked criticism for his attire after appearing in a Seattle court to represent a protester charged with disrupting a city council meeting.

Stephanie Mueller, 70, has worked with “LGBTQ foster youth” and provided anti-sexual harassment training. pic.twitter.com/YRbs9RTY3F

— REDUXX (@ReduxxMag) April 5, 2024

And yes, this guy is 70 years old, meaning he “transitioned” around the age of 58.

The New York Post (which for some reason calls him “she”) described how Mr. Mueller was defending Iris Boardman, who was in court for first-degree criminal trespassing after disrupting a city council meeting.

Even though Boardman was apparently caught on video, Mueller told the court, “My client has pleaded not guilty and she is not guilty — how about that?” And he’s been practicing law for 20 years?

Yet somehow, the Daily Mail wrote an oddly supportive piece about the guy (also calling him “she”) and expanded on his biography a bit.

For instance, Muller apparently has two daughters, got his law degree at Earlham in Indiana, and “recognized [his] femininity at age six.”

Then why wait 52 years to start transitioning? According to him, “50 years of apartheid-solitary confinement never gets wiped out, so I have to understand and control the tight ball of terror that I feel every time (I mean every time) I step outside. I’m getting used to it.”

Yet he also said he has been “treated with complete respect and great acceptance” since he “transitioned.” 

Of course, this is Seattle we’re talking about, but I have said it before and I will say it again: the trans crowd’s over-the-top rhetoric displays serious myopia. I’ll at least empathize a bit with feeling like you don’t belong and are lonely because you feel different from other people, but comparing that to South Africa’s brutal decades-long system of racism, segregation, and oppression is something else.

Back in the beginning of March, I wrote about how some fine gentleman who does drag named “Maxi Glamour” said a Missouri law banning children from attending drag shows would somehow “eradicate gender nonconforming people from the public square” and create “a vacuum of hyper vacancy, of wealth inequality, and a whole bunch of trauma.”

And he only looked slightly more ridiculous than Mr. Mueller here, wearing blue body paint and a Marie Antoinette wig, during a public hearing about the law.

I don’t know about you, but I think if there really were “50 years of apartheid-solitary confinement” preventing you from transitioning or if being told you can’t do drag in front of children really would “eradicate gender nonconforming people from the public square,” these guys wouldn’t be walking around looking like this.

But that’s just me. It’s not like their rhetoric is totally overblown.