The Morning Briefing: It’s Getting Rougher for Biden’s Handlers to Make Him Appear Lifelike

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Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Wendrelton and his sustainably dyed hemp ascots had become the talk of the Piccolos and Pimento crowd. 


Programming Notes: “Unwoke” will return next week. Kevin was injured and I’ve been wrapping up some family business. Also, Chris will be filling in for me again tomorrow. I will be heading back to Tucson eight weeks to the day after I began what was originally intended to be a 10-day trip. 

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The rapid physical and mental decline of Joe Biden hasn’t been easy to watch, no matter which side of the aisle one is on. At least one side is being honest about it. The other side not only won’t publicly admit that Biden has slowed to a crawl mentally and almost physically as well, but they keep telling themselves that he’s as sharp as ever. 

About that. 

Over here in rightwing, reality-based America we all know that Joe Biden was never noted for his intellectual agility when he was a United States Senator or Crazy Joe the Wonder Veep. A case might be made by some hardcore Biden sycophants that he’s only lost a step. The truth, however, is that even the goofball Biden of the Obama years possessed a vibrant, towering intellect compared to the doddering fool who enters to “Hail to the Chief” these days. 

The weirdo Joe Biden of recent yesteryear was at least physically functional though. He was usually animated with the press, bouncing around and telling stories in a clear voice about things that never happened. 

That guy has exited the building. 


Related: LOL, Sure Buddy — NY Times Gets a Neuroscientist to Say Biden Is Merely a Smidge Forgetful

We all see the frequent spacey wanderings and stumbles. He was given a shorter staircase on which to board Air Force One, and even that is proving to be a challenge, which Matt wrote about yesterday

If the stumbles on the stairs were the only signs of Biden’s physical unraveling the American public might be able to write them off. 

Team Biden released a video this week to pat themselves on the back for how they handled last year’s freight train derailment disaster in East Palestine, OH. 

No really. 

My friend Stephen Green wrote about it and made an observation about Biden regarding something that’s really been bugging me lately: 

It’s impossible to tell whether Biden’s voiceover in the first part of the video was done in the studio or was taken from the remarks he delivered in East Palestine. But it’s impossible to miss how weak he sounds. If that was a studio take — one of several, presumably — and that was the best they could get…

…well, then no wonder the White House tried to keep him away from East Palestine completely.

Stephen often only semi-jokingly refers to Biden’s handlers getting his Adderall dosage correct before sending him out in front of a camera. I have no doubt that a man with his own personal physician, unlimited resources, and surrounded by people who have a vested interest in keeping him in power is getting all of the pharmaceutical help he needs. Or was, anyway. 


For months now, Biden always sounds as if he’s just been woken up from a 48-hour bender. A 48-hour bender from which he has yet to sober up. Not only does he sound weak, but he also slurs to the point of incomprehensibility. 

If it was Adderall that they were pumping him full of before, he’s obviously developed a tolerance. They might be thinking about switching to high quality, uncut cocaine. Rumor has it that there is someone in the First Family with connections for that sort of thing. 

While it’s true that Biden can delegate most responsibilities, it’s obvious that his puppet masters are in denial about his condition. The world is in turmoil and the thought of Joe Biden in his present state slurring his way through an important conversation or meeting with another world leader is both disturbing and embarrassing. 

When you couple his drunken delivery with his penchant for using words that don’t exist, he really shouldn’t be in front of people for any official function anymore. 

Let’s just hope he doesn’t become coherent long enough to start World War III. 

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