Colbert Wonders ‘How Big Of An A-Hole Is Ron DeSantis?’

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Monday’s edition of The Late Show on CBS resembled more of an Orwellian Two Minutes Hate than a comedy show as host Stephen Colbert led a booing audience in wondering “how big of an a-hole is Ron DeSantis?”

Colbert began by showing an unflattering picture of DeSantis, “There’s an update about who might want to be the president next: Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis seen here—”After several seconds of booing from the audience, Colbert continued, “seen here watching your grandma fall into a ditch.”

Getting to the Martha’s Vineyard news, Colbert absurdly accused DeSantis of “kidnapping two planeloads of migrants and then flying them to Martha’s Vineyard.”

For Colbert, it only gets worse, “Well, it turns out, it was way worse than we imagined, because he actually abducted them from Texas. For a guy who acts so concerned about borders, he doesn’t seem to know where his state ends. So why is the governor– why? why, I say. Why? So, why is the governor of Florida spending his taxpayers’ money to snatch asylum-seekers in Texas? Because he can read their minds.”

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After playing a clip of DeSantis declaring that many of them intend to go to Florida, Colbert returned amidst more boos from the audience, “No one—no one intends to go to Florida. You go– you’re forced to go there for two reasons, okay: You’re about to die and want to eat pudding next to an alligator, or you wanna do that thing at Disney where you can build your own lightsaber. They have four available hilt styles. DeSantis went on, explaining that you can’t ever know what asylum-seekers might be thinking because… cars?”

Following another clip of DeSantis declaring people arriving in Florida in cars makes it more difficult to track these people, Colbert wondered, “Oh, I remember that one from the SAT ”If two people are traveling in a car, and there are hundreds of different cars, how big of an a-hole is Ron DeSantis? Gaping. Gaping.”

Apparently Colbert got the question on what makes something funny wrong because all he’s got is name calling.

This segment was sponsored by Chewy.

Here is a transcript for the September 19 show:

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

9/20/2022

11:44 PM ET

STEPHEN COLBERT: There’s an update about who might want to be the president next: Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis seen here—seen here watching your grandma fall into a ditch. Last week– wow! 

Wow! He has become famous! Last week, DeSantis made headlines for kidnapping two planeloads of migrants and then flying them to Martha’s Vineyard. Well, it turns out, it was way worse than we imagined, because he actually abducted them from Texas. For a guy who acts so concerned about borders, he doesn’t seem to know where his state ends. 

So why is the governor– why? why, I say. Why? So, why is the governor of Florida spending his taxpayers’ money to snatch asylum-seekers in Texas? Because he can read their minds. 

REPORTER: How do you justify using the money if they started in Texas? 

RON DESANTIS: Because their intent– most of them are intending to come to Florida. 

COLBERT: C’mon. Come on. No one—no one intends to go to Florida. You go– you’re forced to go there for two reasons, okay: You’re about to die and want to eat pudding next to an alligator, or you wanna do that thing at Disney where you can build your own lightsaber. They have four available hilt styles. DeSantis went on, explaining that you can’t ever know what asylum-seekers might be thinking because… cars?

DESANTIS: If you want to do it effectively, you just can’t police. If you have two people in a car, and there’s a hundred different cars that come in a different week because it looks like your car or anybody else. 

COLBERT: Oh, I remember that one from the SAT ”If two people are traveling in a car, and there are hundreds of different cars, how big of an a-hole is Ron DeSantis? Gaping. Gaping.

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