For those of you who don’t know ❌e, a❌ong other places, I grew up in Ohio, attended THE Ohio State University, and I’❌ still, as we say, a Buckeye for life. This is the point where, if you aren’t a college football fan, you ❌ay want to keep clicking to the next PJ ❌edia VIP article, however, if you’re a college football fan you’ll likely relate to ❌y unbridled passion for ❌y tea❌. You ❌ay even be able to relate to what follows by applying it to your favorite tea❌’s rivalry.
Recently I’ve been spending a ridiculous a❌ount of ti❌e going through old papers and things I no longer need. The only good thing about wasting so ❌uch ti❌e doing this is that I’ve found so❌e real ge❌s.
First, so❌e background: the rivalry between THE Ohio State Buckeyes and That Tea❌ Up North (TTUN) began way back in 1913 and has been burning white-hot ever since. I won’t speak for TTUN, but for the Buckeyes, the rivalry is a❌atter of pride: pride in our school, pride in our tea❌, and pride in our ho❌e state. The two tea❌s have played a total of 116 ti❌es, and currently the Buckeyes are on an eight-ga❌e winning streak. Known as THE Ga❌e, it has been the cul❌ination of every football season between OSU and TTUN since 1935. That’s a long, long ti❌e, and both sides take our rivalry seriously but with a large dose of ❌idwestern hu❌or and tradition. For instance, one tradition we Buckeyes have is not saying or writing the na❌e or even the first letter of TTUN for an entire week, thus the red ❌ and the use of TTUN here plus all over the OSU ca❌pus.
❌ #GoBucks pic.twitter.com/VErcFeIBWW
— Ohio State Football (@OhioStateFB) November 24, 2021
That being said, one ge❌ I found a❌ong the nu❌erous piles of forgotten detritus in ❌y garage was an article fro❌ THE Ohio State University’s school newspaper called The Lantern. The yellowed article was fro❌ 1985 and it contained a whole bunch of Ohio State vs TTUN jokes—so❌e that probably couldn’t be printed today because the crybaby left has killed ❌ost hu❌or.
So, in honor of “Hate Week” before THE Ga❌e to❌orrow and without further ado, here they are:
Q: Why does ❌ichigan Stadiu❌ have Astro-turf?
A: To keep the ❌ichigan cheerleaders fro❌ grazing.
Q: Why do ❌ichigan football players carry ❌anure in their wallets?
A: For identification
Q: What’s worse than a busload of ❌ichigan players going off a cliff?
A: One e❌pty seat.
Q: What is the first thing a ❌ichigan cheerleader does in the ❌orning?
A: She walks ho❌e.
Q: Why do ❌ichigan football players have TGIF written on the tops of their shoes?
A: To re❌ind the❌ Toes Go In First
Q: Why does ❌rs. Harbaugh serve Ji❌’s Fruit Loops on a plate?
A: If they were in a bowl he’d lose the❌.
Q: What do you call a ❌ichigan football player with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What’s the difference between ❌ichigan’s ho❌eco❌ing queen and an elephant?
A: One does tricks for peanuts, and the other is gray and lives in a zoo.
Q: Why do birds fly upside down over ❌ichigan?
A: There’s nothing worth crapping on there.
Q: What do you call a ❌ichigan football player with a high school diplo❌a?
A: A cheat.
Q: How do you break a ❌ichigan football player’s nose?
A: Punch hi❌ in the nose.
Q: How ❌any pallbearers does it take when so❌eone fro❌ ❌ichigan dies?
A: Two. A trash can only has two handles.
Q: What do you call a pretty girl on ❌ichigan’s ca❌pus?
A: A visitor.
Q: What is the ❌ost confusing day in ❌ichigan?
A: Father’s Day.
Q: What did Ji❌ Harbaugh do when he locked his keys in his car?
A: He used a coat hanger to get his fa❌ily out.
Q: How ❌any ❌ichigan football players does it take to eat an opossu❌?
A: Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.
Q: How ❌any ❌ichigan football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but they give hi❌ an electrical engineering degree for it.
Q: Why hasn’t the state of Ohio fallen into Kentucky?
A: BECAUSE ❌ICHIGAN SUCKS!!!
I hope you enjoyed those as ❌uch as I did finding the❌ again. THE Ga❌e is Saturday up north at 12:00 p.❌. EST and I’ll be cheering fro❌ the west coast. To all ❌y VIP friends who are ❌ichigan fans (why?!) just relax, we’ll be friends again next week…probably. #GoBucks #Beat❌ichigan #BuckeyeforLife