Late-night comedians turned into screeching liberal commentators during the Trump years and they’ve continued to display their unfunny, foul-mouthed “humor” when reacting to any sort of resistance to their partisan agenda. Case in point, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver lost it over Texas’s fetal heartbeat law on his Sunday show, fuming at the Supreme Court for not striking it down and demanding his show’s parent company AT&T publicly condemn it.
Oliver was back in studio from a Summer hiatus and devoted his first show back to bashing the abortion law. Showing newsclips from CBS scoffing at the “controversial” “so-called fetal heartbeat law,” he whined about how the law allows for suing Uber drivers who assist in transporting women to get abortions: “Meaning this law has somehow managed to do the impossible, and make being an Uber driver even worse. “Hey, you don’t get health insurance, people are gonna be assholes to you, and now you might also have a cash bounty on your head. Now get out there and beg for stars,” he griped.
But the comedian’s rant quickly turned into a foul temper tantrum. He threw out some “f” bombs for entertainment outlet TMZ covering the story before directing his anger at Texas’s Governor Greg Abbott and the Supreme Court:
This law will have catastrophic effects. Providers say it would have prevented at least 85% of the procedures previously completed in the state. And when Governor Abbott was pressed on why he signed a bill that would essentially force someone who’d experienced rape or incest to carry a pregnancy to term, his response… was something.
After playing a clip of Abbott saying that Texas will go after rapists, Oliver lost it:
Oh, fuck off. Just fuck right off. Set aside you’re announcing “We’ll arrest rapists,” like it’s a brand-new idea and you’re Tim Cook unveiling a new iPhone, we could talk about how Abbott clearly doesn’t understand that it’s not just scary, faceless criminals on the streets perpetrating rapes, but most often, it’s actually someone known to the victim.
Slamming Abbott from the left, the host disgustingly complained that rape and incest wasn’t even the issue because women shouldn’t have to have a dire reason to get an abortion. He claimed that repeating these points “demonizes [abortion]:”
We could talk about how arresting rapists doesn’t actually fix the problem of women needing legal, safe abortions. We could even talk about the myriad of reasons women get abortions, and how framing the issue around the most horrific situations just further demonizes the procedure. But honestly, it might really just be quicker just to say fuck off, Greg, as shorthand for all the other stuff we don’t have time to get into.
He laughed at pro-abortion activists trolling pro-life websites with pornography, before turning serious again. Oliver warned his liberal audience to demand corporations pay the price for not being vehemently pro-abortion. He specifically called out his show’s parent company AT&T for “both sidesing” the “infuriating” Texas law by not condemning it [click “expand”]:
Look, fucking with pro-lifers on TikTok is clearly funny, but it’s not going to roll back this law. And Texas seems to be facing few consequences for what it’s done….
And the thing is, so far, much of corporate America has decided to not weigh in on this, a stark contrast with their recent willingness to speak out on voting rights, racial justice, and other social issues. And it’s not just silence here.
A major donor to the sponsors and cosponsors of this bill is a political action committee belonging to AT&T, who — pending approval of our sale to Discovery — are still technically our business daddy. So we asked them to comment on this, and they told us, “AT&T has never taken a stance on abortion,” an amazing sentence, and “Employee pac contributions to Texas legislators went to both supporters and opponents of the Texas legislation.” And listen, not taking a stance on this issue, right now, is taking a stance. And both-sides’ing abortion isn’t really the PR slam dunk they think it is. Although it’s certainly on brand. AT&T clearly likes their public statements the same way they like their cell signal: Hilariously fucking weak.
Oliver isn’t the first “comedian” to throw himself a pity party over the abortion law. Amber Ruffin went on an unhinged rant over Republican “dumb f***s” on Late Night With Seth Meyers, while Samantha Bee sneered at the “monsters” on the Supreme Court calling them the “anti-pussy posse” on her show last week.
Read the transcript below:
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
9/12/21
JOHN OLIVER: Sadly, though, tonight can’t be all fun armadillo facts, because Texas is currently reeling from an incredibly draconian new abortion law.
[PLAYS CBS CLIP ON ‘SO-CALLED’ FETAL HEARTBEAT LAW]
JOHN OLIVER: Yeah, it’s true. Private citizens can now sue others for aiding in an abortion, whether they’re a doctor, a clinic worker, or even an Uber driver who took someone to the clinic. Meaning this law has somehow managed to do the impossible, and make being an Uber driver even worse. “Hey, you don’t get health insurance, people are gonna be assholes to you, and now you might also have a cash bounty on your head. Now get out there and beg for stars.” After the law went into effect last week, the Supreme Court, in a major step, took a pass on intervening — something that was such a huge piece of news, even TMZ had to weigh in.
[plays TMZ clip]
JOHN OLIVER: What the fuck? Congratulations, Texas, you just broke TMZ. They shouldn’t be covering this story. They should be doing what they do best, gathering round in a circle of America’s worst bachelor and bachelorette party attendants while Harvey hydrates from a large container, and they all dissect something like, whether or not Katherine Heigl’s dog got butt implants. You know, what they’re good at. That guy in shorts shouldn’t be having to talk about fetal viability. Though I guess if he’s doing my job, I get to do his, and spend the rest of tonight asking you which hot Hollywood hunk has these summer-ready abs? Guys? Guys? It’s Wallace Shawn. Do you know what? This is better. It’s a better show.
This law will have catastrophic effects. Providers say it would have prevented at least 85% of the procedures previously completed in the state. And when Governor Abbott was pressed on why he signed a bill that would essentially force someone who’d experienced rape or incest to carry a pregnancy to term, his response… was something.
GREG ABBOTT: Let’s make something very clear. Rape is a crime. And Texas will work tirelessly to make sure that we eliminate all rapists from the streets of Texas by aggressively going out and arresting them and prosecuting them and getting them off the streets.
OLIVER: Oh, fuck off. Just fuck right off. Set aside you’re announcing “We’ll arrest rapists,” like it’s a brand-new idea and you’re Tim Cook unveiling a new iPhone, we could talk about how Abbott clearly doesn’t understand that it’s not just scary, faceless criminals on the streets perpetrating rapes, but most often, it’s actually someone known to the victim. We could talk about how arresting rapists doesn’t actually fix the problem of women needing legal, safe abortions. We could even talk about the myriad of reasons women get abortions, and how framing the issue around the most horrific situations just further demonizes the procedure. But honestly, it might really just be quicker just to say fuck off, Greg, as shorthand for all the other stuff we don’t have time to get into. Now, thankfully, people are pushing back hard. On Thursday, the DOJ announced it was suing Texas, calling the law an “Unprecedented scheme to evade judicial review,” which it is.
And when a pro-life group set up a website where people could report violations of the new law, people started quickly flooding it with tips like claiming the fictional characters in Marvel’s Avengers who were apparently seeking abortions, which at the very least is a hell of a pitch for an episode of “What If?” And some went with an even blunter approach.
UNIDENTIFIED PRO-ABORTION ACTIVIST: I found this website for like, anonymously snitching on people who break the Texas heartbeat act. You can attach any file you want to it, so I just sent them a bunch of shrek porn.
OLIVER: Yeah. “TikTok users bombard anti-abortion website with Shrek porn” is one of those sentences I never thought I’d have to say like, “Everyone needs to stop talking about Kim Jong un’s sexy bod,” and “Ben Affleck looks so happy right now!” Look, fucking with pro-lifers on TikTok is clearly funny, but it’s not going to roll back this law. And Texas seems to be facing few consequences for what it’s done. When Greg Abbott was asked whether he worried the law would deter investment in the state, he said, “You need to understand that there’s a lot of businesses and a lot of Americans who like the social positions that the state of Texas is taking.” And the thing is, so far, much of corporate America has decided to not weigh in on this, a stark contrast with their recent willingness to speak out on voting rights, racial justice, and other social issues. And it’s not just silence here.
A major donor to the sponsors and cosponsors of this bill is a political action committee belonging to AT&T, who — pending approval of our sale to Discovery — are still technically our business daddy. So we asked them to comment on this, and they told us, “AT&T has never taken a stance on abortion,” an amazing sentence, and “Employee pac contributionsto Texas legislators went to both supporters and opponents of the Texas legislation.” And listen, not taking a stance on this issue, right now, is taking a stance. And both-sides’ing abortion isn’t really the PR slam dunk they think it is. Although it’s certainly on brand. AT&T clearly likes their public statements the same way they like their cell signal: Hilariously fucking weak. And look, the fight to undermine the constitutional right to an abortion is not just happening in Texas. The Supreme Court will hear arguments about a Mississippi anti-abortion law later this year that’s a direct challenge to Roe v Wade. This is not a hypothetical debate, but the latest escalation in the ongoing attack on reproductive rights. And I don’t really have the words to express how infuriating that is right now, but maybe this sums things up best. [plays armadillo screeching clip]